What to do when your Partner Changes Later into the Relationship

We all fall in love for different reasons. To some it is the money, fame and material that their partner possesses, to others, it is love at first sight.

However, what would you do if you fall for his/her traits, physique or even the big lips but into the relationship, they either vanish in thin air or he decides to alter them or an accident messes-up everything?

I mean here you are, having fallen in love for the right reasons following your heart desires and preferences while undermining ‘earthly things’ like money.

This is not a condemnation or even saying that you made a bad choice, it is to let you know that friend, things happen, change is inevitable and people do change too!

Your action or reaction towards the change maybe either help or make the situation worse. Before you confront your partner, first ask youself the following questions;

Is the change evitable? Some behaviors/transformations cannot be avoided. Your partner may have reached menopause and hence change of behavior. Unfortunately, for inevitable behaviors, little can be done unless your partner is ready to pretend through it or you pretend to like it. However the best strategy is to understand acknowledge the fact that at one point it might you.

Is your partner willing to change or is he/she adamant? The unwillingness of your partner may point to the fact that he is enjoying his new self. If it the new mistress, he is really into her and not yet letting go. Before you can confront this individual, you need to think twice. You may get ousted instead of the new woman. Calculate your moves. You may want to take your partner back into your days full of love and honey. This may make him miss his old self and may or may not revive. However, to avoid pre-mature breakups, it is best you allow him/her time to realize his/her mistakes without asserting too much pressure and not encouraging his move still.

Has your spouse really changed?

Just because your spouse seems like a different person doesn’t mean that they have changed. Maybe they have always been messy but you are just now noticing it. Maybe they always wanted to take up golfing but never had the chance. However, if these small changes are bothering you, let your spouse know how you feel in a calm and respectful manner.

Is your spouse stressed?

Some people change when they are stressed. They become more irritable or cold and antagonistic. Research shows that stress triggers a chemical reaction in the brain that impairs the social skills and cognitive ability of the affected person. If your spouse is like this, all they need to do is work on their stress management and the stress-induced personality changes and relationship issues will be a thing of the past.

Have you told your spouse how you feel?

As mentioned above, it is important to tell your spouses how the changes are making you feel. Remember to start your sentences with “I feel” and not “you.”  Keep it positive and non-accusatory.

Also, don’t be afraid to specify exactly what you desire. If you want your spouse to help out a lot more with chores, be specific about what you would like them to do, e.g. dishes or laundry, and how often you would like them to help out.

Lastly, be the kind of spouse you want your husband or wife to be. If you don’t like the fact that they are spending all their time on their new hobby and you would like them to give you more attention, give them more attention. Similarly, if you want your spouse to learn how to manage their stress better, begin working on your stress management skills. Being the change you want to see in your spouse and you relationship is one of the best strategies for dealing with relationship issues.

However , to sum it up, there is no perfect relationship. Even siblings fight and at one point may breakup if the situation is not curbed amicably. Therefore, the way you resolve your relationship challenges will manifest the level of maturity that you are at.