Lately I have been thinking through the work of the famous writer Steven Covey in his book the 7 Habits of Highly effective people and I thought his ideas may help instruct us through the basics of love.
Actually this was supposed to be counselling material for those guys who are just about to graduate but who also want to get married as soon as they get out of university. So here we go.
Be proactive. As a man you are expected to provide for your better half. That’s pretty obvious, right? You see when a woman wants food on her table, you are not going to tell her “You know what I don’t have a job.
Didn’t you read the Daily Monitor the other day, 68% of the youth in Uganda are jobless and you also know we are from Kyanamukaka. We don’t have the connections to help us get into those juicy job placements.”
She will divorce you and get married to a guy who has a job. I swear. So, what I mean by being proactive is that when you have someone you have to provide for or if you hope to at some point, you have to get a job.
It’s not optional. It’s a must despite all the setbacks that may bedevil the process. That’s why all those youth you see forming coalitions like the Uganda Association of the Unemployed, they are not married. The day they get married, they will look for jobs and will indeed get the jobs they are looking for.
Begin with the end in mind. Now on this one, I will be straight forward and say if you want to marry a girl bring up the matter at the earliest possible opportunity. Off course, I am not saying you should tell her, I want to marry now; on the first date but let your communications (verbal and non-verbal) subtly carry the vital message.
Have you ever wondered why these crude boys whose only intention is to get girls into bed keep getting even the so called good girls to fornicate? It’s because they begin with the end in mind. They know their objective, make it known at the earliest possible opportunity and are never apologetic about it.
They usually appeal to the girl’s fantasies about copulation. When communicating to a girl, some will crack what my brother calls coarse jokes that draw subtle pictures of how wonderful the experience of them copulating with the innocent girl will be.
And the next thing you hear is the girl was dumped by that guy he trusted with her body after a few sessions of fornication. Now for you my dear brother. You even have good intentions but you still want to apologize to a girl for telling her you like her. Why should you? Sincerely why?
Put first things first. Whereas getting married to that woman of your dreams can be the end in itself, but is it the most important thing that you need? Do you value marriage more than love, trust and friendship? Sit back and reflect a bit. Do you really?
So, whereas your ultimate end should always be clear from the onset, the ultimate question “Will you marry me” should only pop after you have created a close friendship with the girl where the two of you love and trust each other.
I guess those two should be the first things on the list though the pursuit of which should not derail you from ultimate end which is to walk her down the aisle.
Now, I may have spoken like a philosopher and confused you even the more but you see they say ebintu bya laavu bibuzabuza (these issues of love are a little complex to perceive).
Part two of these series will come out in the next couple of weeks. Save the date.